Between Friends Blog

Pacing and Developing a Story Line

  

  

There are many issues I wanted to write into the Domestic Violence Story Line that I didn't.  I wanted to explore more elements of "Creating a Safety Plan" for example.  (Guidelines for a woman/man who is planning on leaving their abusive spouse) The thing is, though, you can't write everything.  

Just prior to the above two strips running, Maeve had initiated a plan for Tamara to begin bringing her personal documents to her to copy.  She would  then hold these documents for her until the time was right to leave.  I had been thinking that I would pursue this aspect because it made sense for Maeve's character to take charge and it's an important issue for people in an abusive relationship to know. 

 Once Jake comes into the picture and sees Tamara with Maeve, this all had to change.  Jake knows Maeve's personality and knows she'll have an influence on Tamara which is not something he would want.  In my interview at Gillian's Place I had asked the Executive Director and the counsellor what would happen if someone confronted a spouse on an abused woman's behalf.  They both looked at each and then at me and told me, "She'd pay for it later".  I thought that was a pretty powerful comment and it was something I wanted to use within the story.  Maeve's outburst in the above comic is true to character and that made it an  even more compelling reason to work into this scenario.  And . . . wanting to tear a strip off Jake is something I would have wanted to do.  Letting Maeve rip into Jake made me feel good . . . at least for the moment.

The other aspect that comes into play by having Jake intercept the plans to carefully orchestrate Tamara's departure from the marriage, is the fact that Jake shows up at all.  It's not written with explicitness but having Jake wandering around and looking for Tamara at her lunch hour suggests another character trait of the controlling spouse . . . keeping tabs or perhaps even stalking.

If I tried to incorporate every single element of my research, I think it would have been to the detriment of the story and it would have ended up sounding more like a technical handbook or something along those lines.  So, some stuff had to go . . . even if it was something I would have liked to use.   

Of course, once Maeve confronts Jake, it forced me to begin writing the story in a much quicker pace.  Jake's reaction to Maeve would be to react to Tamara and that meant things had to start HAPPENING.

   

Tamara leaves Jake and goes to stay with Maeve.  It's a short-lived respite as Tamara is wooed back to Jake with promises.  My research told me that women generally leave their abuser about 8 times before they finally leave for good.  I couldn't do this in the comic strip.  It would have taken too long and it would have very, very quickly become repetitive.  However, I felt I had to have Tamara go back to Jake at least once  otherwise the story would have seemed too compact and fairy-tale-ish.

What you leave out is really as important as what you leave in.  I didn't want the story to get bogged down and sluggish by explaining every detail.  On the other hand, I needed to provide enough information for the reader to be able to read between the lines.  When I'm writing  a story line, I continually second-guess whether or not the unstated makes sense.  For example . . .  Is it plausible that Jake would put two and two together and assume that Tamara's absence meant she was with Maeve?  (yes)  Is it possible that he could find Maeve's house even though he didn't know where she lived? (yes . . . I don't have to explain how he ultimately does this . . . but it's not unrealistic to assume he can)   

  The nature of the comic strip . . . a quick 10 or 15 second read once a day . . . makes it imperative to give the reader something conclusive each day in order to be worthwhile.   While an on-going story line can't resolve itself daily,  there has to be two things that it does accomplish.  One is that each strip  give the reader a complete thought or idea.  The second is that there needs to be a reason to entice the reader to come back the following day to see what happens next. 

It's not like he hits me . . .

    

    

   

 

When I was interviewing the executive director and a counsellor at Gillian's Place, I kept asking them how women came to the shelter.  I wanted to know if they just showed up at the door...did they call first...what did they say?  Did they ask if they could come?  Did they just say they needed help?  What?  I was trying to understand how I could write about a woman making that decision and I wanted it to ring true.

The counsellor told me the single most common thing women say to her when they phone the Shelter for the first time is:  "I don't know if I'm calling the right place . . . it's not like he hits me."

I decided right then that Tamara was going to be emotionally abused rather than physically abused.  I told the counsellor.

She nodded.  She said people understand physical abuse because it's something they can see but have a more difficult time identifying with the devastating effects of emotional abuse.

(At the beginning of the series, I called Jake a "jerk" several times.  (I called him an ass once but my editor thought that wouldn't fly with my client newspapers)  I had photocopied the early strips and taken them with me to Gillian's Place.  The counsellor told me I had to stop calling Jake a "jerk" because people would read it as male-bashing.  She told me I had to show Jake being a jerk.  I had to show how Tamara was being controlled and worn down.)

So, this is the reason for Tamara being emotionally abused and the reason I have not shown her with a "black eye."  As soon as the counsellor said the words, I knew I was going to use " it's not like he hits me " somewhere in the story.

My morning at Canada AM

 

Okay, I'm back.  So, you wanna know how it went?

I drove to Toronto the day before because ...  well, it's a few hours away and they wanted me to be there at 8:15 and I'm really not that great at finding my way around.  (I'll always get where I'm going but sometimes it's later rather than sooner)  I made one wrong turn which cost me an extra half hour of driving.  (with the traffic on the 401 it took me about 3 1/2 hours)  My hotel was located right off the highway and when I saw it, I decided to keep going and locate the CTV television station so I would be . . . you know, on time and not in a panic the next morning.  I went one exit too far but still found the station pretty easily so I drove to my hotel, grabbed some dinner, reviewed for my segment and watched a little Larry King.

I asked for a 6 am wake-up call ... here's how I figured my morning would go:

6 - 6:30 - Have a cup of coffee in my room and review.

6:30 - 7 - Get showered and dressed

7 - 7:30 - Grab some breakfast

7:30 - 7:45 - check out

Leave for CTV with a full half hour to make a five minute drive.

Here's how it went:

6 -6:30 - Have a cup of coffee in my room and review.

It was downhill from there.

I will spare you some of the details as I'm sure I'll regret it later.  I leave the hotel at 7:55 . . . still LOTS of time to get to the station.  This time I take the CORRECT exit.  Big mistake.  I end up driving around the parking lot of some big shopping mall.  I know I am close but have no idea which direction to take.  I make ONE educated guess and find myself  in an industrial park.  It is 8:05.

  I park and rip open my suitcase where I have stashed my list of directions and phone numbers.  I call the station.  I tell the woman who answers who I am and that I'm a guest who is supposed to be there at 8:15 and I'm lost.  She asks where I am.  I tell her Progress Street.  She has no idea where that is.  She asks what landmarks are around me.  I tell her a Toyota building.  She pauses.  "Toyata building?"  I am beginning to panic.  She says to turn in the direction of the big shopping mall.  Ahhhh...I know where that is...I was just in their parking lot.

I am driving and ask her (I probably sounded more like I was begging) to please stay on the line until I find them.  She says not to worry, she will.  Then she says she is going to  put me on hold for minute.  I think they are trying to decide what to do about a replacement guest.  She  comes back on the line ... she tells me to look for a Lazy-Boy building ... I tell her I see a sign for McCowan Rd. North.  She says YES!  That's where I should be going!  Take that!

I am in the far left of three lanes.  It may even have been four lanes.  Who the hell knows?  The exit is on the far right.  I ask her if she heard my car screeching to a stop.  She did.  I take the exit.

She tells me, "By the way, I really like your strip."  I thank her.  Later on, that will make me feel good . . . right then, I am bordering on hysteria.  It is 8:10.  ( It is subdued hysteria, by the way ... I don't think she detects just how much anxiety I am in . . .  or maybe she does )

She asks me what other landmarks I see.  I tell her the Winners store.  She says they are right across the street from that.  (see?  I knew I wasn't too far away)  She mentions a church.  I SEE THAT!  Then I see the station.  I'm there.  I made it.  I have minutes to spare.

A woman greets me and I'm sorry but I can't recall her name.  She takes me into make-up and introduces me to Linda.  (I think that was her name)  She is very nice and calm.  I stare at her and I ask her, "Do you know who you look like?  People MUST have told you ... "  She looks at me and smiles.  She looks EXACTLY like Shirley MacLaine.  A younger Shirley MacLaine but Linda is  cuter.  She touches up my make-up and applies concealer under my eyes THREE times.  The anxiety of the drive is showing I guess.

The other woman says she is going to take me to the green room.  I ask if there is a mirror there.  I want to fix my hair.  Shirley motions me to another table with a mirror and says to use anything there I want.  The woman who is directing me says I have a few seconds.  Fixing my hair and a few seconds do not compute.  Shirley, bless her, tells me I look fine and gives me a shot of hairspray.

I am now in the green room with another gentleman.  I ask him if he is a guest.  He's not.  He's some kind of set designer.  I tell him I think I may have made a mistake coming on the show.  He tells me not to worry, I'll be fine, it will be over in a few minutes and no one remembers what anyone says on televison anyway.  I burst out laughing.  I feel much better.

I now have my mic on and I am led to the set.  It's smaller than I imagined but it has a very cozy feel to it.  They lead me over to the sofa chairs and I sit down, trying to remember all the advice everyone has given me... like sit up straight.  There was lots more advice but this is all I can remember.

Bev Thomson comes over.  She is cute as can be.  We chat very quickly before my segment.  I tell her I'm worried I might lose my train of thought.  She says not to worry, if I do, she'll cover for me.  She tells me to feel free to jump in at any time if there is a point I want to make.  She is fabulous.  Really, she couldn't have been nicer.  She really puts me at ease.  The driving fiasco is now a distant memory.

And then it's over.  The set designer was right.  I go back to the green room.  The set designer and the mic guy are all telling me I did a great job.  These people are all so nice.  Really.

The woman who has been ushering me around gives me my Canada AM mug to keep and leads me out.  I pass Marci Ien in the hall and she smiles a hello.  I gotta tell you, that Marci is  gorgeous.

So it's over.  I haven't had the nerve to watch the segment yet but you can watch it here. 

Look for the "video player" section and click on "Comic strip tackles domestic violence."

And what do I have to say about the whole experience?  Well, first, the people at Canada AM are just fabulous.  When I watch the program on television, I get the sense that it is a fun place and the people are warm and friendly.  And they are . . . both the on-air hosts and the behind-the-scenes people.  There is a great atmosphere there. 

And second . . . this whole thing has been very cool.  I really had fun.  I'd even do it again.

Man . . . my job ROCKS! :)

Why I wrote what I wrote.

When I began writing the domestic violence story line in Between Friends, I really had no idea what the story was going to be.  This story line has literally been pieced together from discussions and tidbits of information I've found through my interviews with shelters and domestic violence agencies and through researching web sites and literature.

A few of you have asked me to share the writing process with this series.  I find that a little bit difficult to do because there isn't always a major event or reason that determines why I wrote something in a particular way.  Sometimes it's just one simple thought or emotion that swings the story in a specific direction.  In the above strips, Tamara's situation is beginning to unfold as she tentatively confides to Maeve. 

The main reason for the gist of this confession is that I had to find a way to tell readers that Tamara does not have children.  And why doesn't she have children?  There is a very simple explanation.  I couldn't bring myself to write about it.  The whole idea was just too upsetting to me and I didn't want to go there.

******************************************************

At Gillian's Place, I was given a brochure that they give to women for creating a safety plan.  Here are the check points listed for developing a safety plan for children:

1.  Stress the importance of being safe, and that it is not the child's responsibility to make sure that his/her mother is safe.

2.  Have your child pick a safe room/place in the house, preferably with a lock on the door and a phone.  The first step of any plan is for the children to get out the room where the abuse is occurring.

3.  Teach your child how to call for help.  It is important that children know they should not use a phone that is in view of the abuser.  This puts them at risk.  Talk to your children about using a neighbour's phone or a pay phone if they are unable to use a phone at home.  If you have a cell phone, teach your children how to use it.  Instruct children not to hang up the cell phone to ensure police can locate them.

( I was crying by this point in my reading.  What a burden for a child to carry ... )

4.  Teach your children about Neighbourhood Block Parents  (if available) and how to use them.

5.  Teach them how to contact police at the emergency number.

6.  Ensure that the children know their full name and address (rural children need to know their Concession and Lot #)

7.  Rehearse what your child/children will say when they call for help.

Example:

Dial 911.

An operator will answer:

"Police, Fire, Ambulance."

Your child says:

Police.

Then your child says:

My name is ___________.

I am _____ years old.

I need help.  Send the police.

Someone is hurting my mom.

The address here is ___________________.

The phone number here is _______________.

Why Doesn't She Just Leave?

I didn't actually write the above strip.  I just made a few refinements to the sentiments expressed (and they were expressed vehemently) by the women I interviewed both at Gillian's Place (Women's Shelter in St. Catharines, Ontario) and the Community Director and the Liasion Officer from the Centre for Reseach & Education on Violence Againist Women and Children.  (The University of Western Ontario)

Talking with these women and reading through the Neighbours, Friends and Families web site has been extremely helpful to me in writing the Domestic Violence story line in my Between Friends strip.  Although, as much as I've learned through these sources, I know full well that I've only skimmed the surface of this issue.

I've written this series through the eyes of Maeve who is the friend looking at Tamara's life from the outside.  Because I haven't experienced spousal abuse personally, I don't think I could have done justice to the story by writing it from the abused woman's perspective.  The aspects of Tamara's life are told subtly . . . for the most part, readers have to make their own assumptions about details.

Maeve suspects there is something wrong but isn't sure.  Tamara has tentatively reached out to her at times and then drawn back.  Maeve is conflicted by feelings of concern, doubts and frustration for her friend. 

Maeve is a fiercely independent character.  Her volatile personality makes her the type of person to respond to situations with authority, confidence and strength.  When she asks (in the first strip above) "Why doesn't she just leave?", she's relating to how she would respond in a similar situation, not with any understanding of the complicated grey aspects of Tamara's life.  Kim, on the other hand, is a more introspective character.  She is the type of person to stand back, take stock and react in an objective way.  Kim provides Maeve with a broader view.

Beginning on October 6th, Between Friends will feature a 4 week story line that brings the domestic violence story to a head and reveals Tamara's situation with what I would call, "subdued clarity."  Four weeks is a long time to stay on one topic in a cartoon strip, particularly when it is a heavy handed story line.  I tried to keep it down to three weeks but I found I needed the extra week to bring it to a natural break.

I know how I will end the story but I haven't actually written it yet as I work pretty close to deadline.  I am planning for the series to end mid-ish November and I decided early on that I wanted Tamara's story to end on a positive note.  And . . .I am writing the ending based on a letter I received from a reader who is a survivor of domestic abuse.   I have many people to thank for this series . . .

Here are some links to two recent newspaper articles regarding this story. . .

The Toronto Star and the Niagara Falls Review.

Interview at a Women's Shelter

Friday afternoon, I went to Gillian's Place, a women's shelter in St. Catharines.

Gillian's Place, formerly called Women's Place, is an elementary school that has been converted into a shelter for women and their children who need a safe haven.

When I first pulled into the parking area, I was struck by how pleasant the place looked.  The parking lot looked new with pristine curbs and bright, white paint indicating the spaces for cars.  There was a big landscaping rock with a decorative plaque announcing the address.   A garden of flowers surrounded the rock, the grass was green and there are huge trees.  A neighbourhood of homes exist on either side of the Shelter.  A bank is across the street.  It's not hidden away.  It's sitting out there, right in the hub of the community.  It seemed very appropriate to me that it is so visible.  It seemed to say, "We're here to help and we want everyone to know it."  It felt comforting and friendly.

Then I began to notice other things that brought the seriousness of the need for a shelter like this into focus.  There was a playground on the other side of the building that was completely fenced in and not visible to anyone from the street.  I don't know how high the fence was but I would guess in the vicinity of 8 feet.  The only reason I even realized it was a playground was because I could just see the tip of a brightly coloured slide.

There was a big, heavy door that was, of course, locked.  I buzzed the intercom and identified myself.  I was expected and they unlocked the door from within.  I was asked to wait in a small alcove, about 4 x 10 feet, while they came to get me.  After a few minutes, one of the women I was to interview, unlocked another heavy door with a window in it and let me in.

I was taken past several offices to a conference room.  I didn't see much of the interior but what I did see was very clean and very modern with a soothing lavendar colour scheme.  It didn't even look like it had once been a school.

I talked with the executive director and another woman.  I'm not sure what the other woman's position was but I do know that at least part of her position was involved with counselling.  We talked for two hours.

I had brought copies of my strip's domestic violence story line so far.  (Two weeks of strips, the second of which will appear the first week of August.)  Cindy read them through and gave me very frank comments of what she thought.  I was pleased to hear that, for the most part, she felt they were realistically written.  She did comment on some aspects that she thought I should avoid in future.  It's always great to hear what you're doing right, but it's just as important to hear what you should be doing to improve.

I had a written list of questions to ask but it went further than that.  The women gave me suggestions of what they thought could happen to the characters and possible scenarios that I could pursue.  They were unbelievably helpful and I have a much better idea of how I am going to handle this.

I was surprised to hear how many older women have had the need to use the shelter.  One woman was seventy-two!  They told me very sad things but also success stories.  (The seventy-two-year-old woman was a success story)  I want to make it clear that although they told me about some situations, they did not say anything to me that would have betrayed anyone's privacy.  They are obviously very dedicated women who are passionate about their careers.

I came away from the meeting with a lot of information and ideas and while I still don't have a specific story in mind, I did make one definite decision about the type of abuse "Tamara" endures from her husband, "Jake".  The decision was a result of something Cindy told me she has heard many times from women calling their support line for the first time.  I don't want to say anything further on that just now.  It will become apparent in the story line down the road... and I'll talk about it more at that time.

It was a very interesting and helpful interview and I appreciate not only their time but their frankness.

Hamilton Spectator Interview

Here's a link to another newspaper interview regarding the Domestic Violence story.

http://www.hamiltonspectator.com/pdfs/20080718/G8.pdf

I'm visiting with a women's shelter this afternoon.  I appreciate them taking the time to talk with me.  It's going to be an interesting day.

Niagara Falls Review Interview

Yesterday, I was interviewed about the Domestic Violence story line which began this week in my strip.  As mentioned in the article, I will be going to Gillian's Place in St. Catharines (women's shelter) to gain some insight about this subject. 

I was hesitant to contact the shelter.  I wasn't sure how they would feel about the idea of exploring the issue of Domestic Violence in a comic strip.  The woman I spoke with, however, was extremely nice and seemed enthusiastic. 

The development manager at South Niagara Women's Place told Jennifer Pellegrini (the Niagara Falls reporter):

"Although we don't use humour or comics to tell our stories, the most important thing is that the word gets out," Krick said. "One in four Canadian women are abused by their intimate partners. We do hope that it provides some self-awareness."

You can read the article here:  http://www.niagarafallsreview.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1116039

Battered

About sixteen years ago, I slipped on the second last step of the stairs leading down to our family room.  I must have instinctively used my forearms to break my fall because that's how I landed.  And boy, my forearms and my wrists hurt. . . a LOT.

Tim drove me to the emergency at the small, local hospital.  I knew I had at the very least, sprained both arms/wrists and I needed to get x-rays done to rule out any fractures.

At the admitting station, I was giving the triage nurse the regular details they ask for . . . name, birthdate, insurance number and what the problem was.  I told her I had slipped on the stairs.  She looked directly into my eyes and very evenly asked me if I had been alone.

"No-"', I said, "- Tim was there, thank goodness!"  I was about to launch into a chatty little repetoire  that I didn't know what I would have done if he hadn't been there because I couldn't even grip my purse let alone drive myself to the hospital, when the significance of what she was asking suddenly dawned on me.

She wasn't asking me if I had been alone when I fell, she was asking me if I'd been pushed.

"You mean?..." I glanced at Tim who was standing behind me, very quietly.  I could see by the look on his face that he had taken her meaning before I did.  "No, NO -", I told her emphatically, "He would never do anything like that." 

The nurse looked at me.  "I know.", she said, "I can tell...you answered too quickly and without faltering."  I just stared at her not knowing what to say.

"I have to ask", she said.

Yes. She did have to ask.  And that's the tragic part.

******************************************************************

I have a friend who's one of those friends that you can go for years without seeing, and yet, when you finally connect again, it's like you only saw each other yesterday.  I'll call her Anne.

She left high school when she was seventeen.  For a guy.  That's the first time we lost track of each other.  I was involved in school and part-time jobs and dating and friends.  She was involved in other things.  Things I didn't know about until many, many years later.

Throughout the years we would connect at different times.  I recall being invited with another friend to her apartment one evening when her husband was out.  (the husband was the guy she left school for)  She was going to play the stereo but first had to retrieve the needle from a hiding spot.  He had hidden it on her to prevent her from using it.  I asked her why he would do that.  She laughed it off and said he figured she would break it.  She seemed to take delight in the fact that she knew where the needle was hidden and that she was "getting one over on him."  It seemed kind of odd to me but ... whatever.

Time passed.  We lost touch.  She had a baby.  I was single and going to school, working, travelling.

Years later, after  we reconnected again, she began to confide in me about things that  had happened in her life.  (She had since left him)  Things like being knocked backwards with such force that she fell into her bathtub - while she was pregnant.  Things like living at a women's shelter.

It's so easy to judge people.  Understanding them takes more work, or maybe it just takes more time.  She cried once, remembering how co-workers in another city condemned some of the choices she'd made in her life.   But nothing is black and white and life can be complicated.   Anne did the best she could with the circumstances she was dealing with at the time.

Anne lives a completely different life today.  No one dictates what she can and cannot use in her own home.  No one controls the clothes she wears or the money she spends.  No one hits her.

She's successful in her job and she has a loving family.  It hasn't been easy for her to get where she is now but she did it.  She's a strong woman. 

********************************************************************

I have been thinking about doing a Between Friends series loosely based on my friend, Anne for quite some time.  I asked her a few years back if she would mind if I formally interviewed her with that intention.  I told her I would treat her to dinner at our favourite Thai restaurant.  How could she say no?

In the back of my mind, I thought I would use my character, "Kim" as the person involved in the story.  She is the character who writes and I thought she could come across a woman in the park one day while she was walking her dog.  She thinks the woman she meets is in some kind of distress but nothing is obvious.  Over time she realizes the woman is being battered.  Being a writer could open her up to doing research or something.  This is just a general idea I thought I would work into a story after Anne and I sat down and really talked.

Of course, life is busy and Anne and I got together a few times but never to get down to focusing on an actual interview.

Then, a little over a month ago, I started writing a series about Maeve running into an old school mate.  The school mate manoevers Maeve into meeting for lunch.   One thing leads to another.  Next week, in my strip, Maeve realizes the school mate is in a bad situation.

All of a sudden, I am into the battered woman story.

It sounds corny, I know, but these characters tend to write themselves.  I didn't mean to begin this story yet but it just seemed to connect and fall onto my pages.  I intended to spotlight Kim but Maeve has stepped in.

This is a very long introduction to an upcoming series about a battered woman in my strip, "Between Friends".  It will be an intermittent story line.  I can't write the series in one fell swoop because it would be too long, too heavy-handed and it would be unrealistic to address issues that are too complicated to be neatly tied up in one tight little package.

Anne and I went for Thai food last week.  We ended up at an all-night coffee shop until the wee hours of the morning.  It was hard for her to relive some of those memories and I told her we could stop but she wanted to continue.  It was hard for me to listen too.  When I got home, I didn't sleep much.  She's had some tough times.

A women's shelter has been kind enough to agree to an interview to assist me with some research.  And Anne has agreed to answer any further questions I might have.  This is a tough subject and I want to make sure I treat it with respect and realism.  As of right now, I only have a vague sense of where it's headed. 

So thank you, Anne.  We'll see where it goes.