Some Days I Think My Cartoons Suck

Some days I think my cartoons suck.  I wonder how I managed to get my strip published. I am plagued by doubts and insecurities.  When will everyone find out I can't do this?   

Some days I think I'm a horrible mother.  I know I'm a lousy housekeeper.  I berate myself for not spending more time on decorating my home...or keeping up my garden...or seeing my friends often enough...or taking my mom out to lunch.

I lean on the ease of take-out for dinner too often.  I don't exercise enough.  I procrastinate over doing things that are new to me and take extra "thinking".

...my cartoons don't suck though.  They appeal to some people and not to others.  They appeal to me.  They appear in over 150 newspapers around the world...for over 16 years.  I achieved a goal that is difficult to achieve and I have a career that surpasses any career dream I've ever had.  I'm proud of that and it gives me confidence.

Tim and I have two terrific kids.  I really don't think we could ask for better.  As a mother, I must have done something right.  The house...some days it's good, some days it's bad...I don't think I'm really that different from any other woman with a family and a career. 

My garden is getting there.  The raspberry bushes died before I got them planted but I can always get more shoots from my parents' garden.  I go out for dinner with friends every second month.  It's all they can manage at this busy stage of life too.  Also.  Right now, I guess being stretched in too many directions is one of the ties that bind.

Mom...how does Greek food sound? 

My family likes the way I make stew in my crock pot.  When my son was younger and had friends sleep over, they all said I made the best French Toast in the neighbourhood.  One mom even called me for my recipe but her son said it just didn't taste the same as mine.  She told me the difference must be the love.  My dad likes the way I prepare green beans.  My nephew says my mashed potatoes are the best.  My husband likes my broccoli and beef.  See?  I DO cook...

I really DON'T exercise enough.  But I'm walking Newman more often.  I keep trying.  There was a sign on the club house wall of the golf course I worked at in high school...it said, "Success is not in never failing, it's in rising every time you fall."  I keep trying.

The new things...isn't everything new these days?  I took a college course in HTML.  I'm reseaching a historical story for a graphic novel.  I've actually been working at it for the past few years.  In spurts...when I can...but I AM.  I wrote about domestic violence in my strip...I was very nervous about doing this, it was such a departure from my regular strip writing and it took research...but feedback told me I did a good job.  And I've learned how to text.  (don't laugh...I avoided it for ages...now it's the main way I communicate with my kids)

I've created new revenue streams from my cartoons.  Periodically, I'm hired to speak.  I've started this blog.

The new me and the old me are really the same person.  It's just that I see things in different ways on different days...and I'm pretty sure I'm not that different from everyone else.

Comments

[Ugg Classic Mini]

It may be accept by citizens so conveniently. I imagine some people will agree with you. That you're suitable that we are able to to not rely on other people. Who we could to rely on is ourself.

[patricia]

Great post! And on top of everything else, you are a great friend! (And one of these days, I can't wait to have some of your mashed potatoes!)

[Stephanie]

Sandra,
Great post. You are an inspiration! I mean, this is a terrific blog, you are an incredible cartoonist and you have 2 great kids. Enjoy that take-out! You've earned it!

[Alex Hallatt]

This definitely resonated with me and I'm glad that even a cartoonist in that many papers feels like that sometimes!

[Margaret Shulock]

Beautifully written, Sandra. And for the record, I think both of you are great!

[Brian Fies]

Get out of my head.

[anne hambrock]

Sandra,

Somebody did a study - don't ask me who, I can't remember, it was on the radio, it was ages ago - anyway, they found that people who feel that they stink at their jobs are usually the most conscientious and best in their field and that people who felt they were the best in their field were usually sub par.

And the judgement about how good they actually were at their jobs was made by bosses and other outside third parties.

I'm just sayin'.

[StriderGirl]

I really appreciate this post. I know my life isn't nearly as busy as yours, Sandra, but I too struggle with trying to balance the paid work, mothering, housework, yard work, grocery shopping, cooking, staying connected with friends and relatives, and sometimes a bit of time for me. My inner turmoil isn't so much the "imposter" thing - for me, it's more like, "I'm sure everyone else is coping with all these pressures much better than I am - why can't I stay on top of everything?" Reading someone else's thoughtfully-written description of such a similar struggle really makes me feel a lot better. Thank you. :)

[sandra]

Thanks, Peg...I think my objectivity is muddled though. :)

Mike...that was very sweet and I appreciate your comments.

[Mike Peterson]

I don't know anyone who is worth a damn who doesn't suffer from "impostor syndrome" -- that nagging fear that says, "If they ever find out what a loser I really am ..."

It's what make them work harder than they have to, and thus produce better stuff than the people who think they deserve what they've got.

(You deserve what you've got, but please don't start believing it ... I love the strip just as it is!)

[Peg Cherre]

This is really an EXCELLENT post! I love your honesty and your ability to look at your life objectively. What a woman!